inner side

:(

2012-02-18T20:46:00.000-08:00

it hurt when you have to fight it on your own and no one believe in you~

:)

2012-02-16T08:10:00.000-08:00

i don't even regret, you no longer my friend anymore!!!!selfish you~

:)/:(

2012-02-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

apa yg kita ckp tu doa~apa yg keluar dr mulut botol itulah isi botol~
mungkin kata-kata diungkap dengan pengaruh emosi tapi sentiasa kena ingat each conversation involve at least 2 person, dua-dua ada perasaan, dua-dua harus faham peranan masing2, mengungkapkan dengan niat membantu memperbaiki dan menerima dengan hati yang terbuka untuk menjadi insan yang lebih baik, tapi kadang-kadang it is too much from the advicer side n less from the listerner part>>> evaluate diri sndiri zhdh!!!!

zhdh

:(

2012-01-28T08:23:00.000-08:00

Many things happen recently. It's been da first time my patient die. I can't even help her.She came with GCS 4,dilated pupil, papilledema and the sign of brain herniation.She got stoke 8 hours before admission and the pattern of the attack is quite confusing. My heart was thudding with nervousness. I ran to the depo to get the medication, ran to resuscitation room for the ventilation machine.By the time i start standing beside her with my profuse sweating,her family don't even have the chances to ask for her forgiveness. Even at the time they enter the emergency room, she can't even talk anymore. Some of them cry at that moment but still be there for her and recite prayer. I can sense that she is in pain when i inflate the sphygmo cuff.I felt terrible because make her in pain. As the time goes by and in few minuted there is heart rate rush that followed by irregular respiration. The movement of her thoracic cavity became less expanded and her body temperature became cold.All the things that left is her heart beat.With the guide of the resident, i monitored her heart beat with the use of ECG machine. First it's the time for the ventricle to pump harder. In few seconds the PQRST wave became irregular.SAN no longer show any electrical signal. For around 3 hours i stand beside her together with her family and my job right now is the wait n record the time that she die as there is no more that we can do as the family already decide to let her go. I just observe the ECG machine and some of the family member stared at me and the ECG machine curiously followed by in few time joining me observing the wave pattern. It's funny accually but i said to them just be beside her and continue recite the prayers. Then, the time come and there is no wave at all. My next job is to take her cloth off and help the nurse tie her limb. After few minutes of the declaration of her death, her body became pale like corpse. She is indeed.Reminiscent few years before, i think i can't even handle death moment, i think i would cry but now i don't. Maybe after few months dealing with people's pain , people's life make me became 'less-hearted' person. I did respect with the way she die. It's seems smooth. Maybe she was a good human being before. I wonder how my 'time' would be. I know i am not a good person. I do make mistake. I've sin . Please pray for me to change. I want to be a better person. A descent and pure person like before.

I MUST CHANGE

:(

2011-12-29T02:37:00.000-08:00

i am soo jealous. hate this feeling. cpt la grad. i can't stand this way of life

:(

2011-12-25T05:12:00.000-08:00

done stupid thing because i need u

:)

2011-12-18T06:19:00.000-08:00

mencari erti hidup

:)

2011-12-15T04:25:00.000-08:00

buat aku tersenyum

:)/:(

2011-12-15T02:59:00.000-08:00

u, i really don't want to stare because u've ask me too..i still remember, it's been 2 and half years and it's been 2 years you told me the reason..but i must put my eye on it'sory again u~

:)

2011-12-09T03:34:00.000-08:00

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Hellen Keller

:)

2011-12-08T07:28:00.000-08:00

i get your words even you not talking to me

:)/:(

2011-12-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

1 question and 1 answer needed
i must change to be like who i am b4

u

2011-12-01T00:28:00.000-08:00

aku akan lebih bahagia tanpa kamu

pergilah jauh dariku
pergilah

:(

2011-11-30T05:06:00.000-08:00

everything is become harder
everyday i become speechless
my word not important anymore
am i a walkable mannequin?
now u laugh at da wrong moment
i may seems silly but 1 day u'll realize dat u owe me an apology

:(

2011-11-29T07:47:00.000-08:00

membaca buku yg berusia 27thn, 2thn lebih tua dr saya, tepi buku ja kuning sikit yg laen masih elok, agak2 buku amal saya mcm mana la ye?

zhdh,mesti sentiasa berusaha berubah kearah yang lebih baik, jangan terpesong, jangan lupa diri!!!!!

:(

2011-11-28T04:06:00.000-08:00

semua xkena
sangat down
dis is not good, not good

:(

2011-11-27T07:25:00.000-08:00

diam tanpa kata,
dah nak xm,
saya perlu berubah

:)

2011-11-26T08:30:00.001-08:00

happy everyday to u
^ sengal mode^

:(

2011-11-25T06:05:00.000-08:00

u, my ego is killing me & i wish u were here
hope that tomorrow would be better than today

:)

2011-11-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

tersangat rindu dan hati inginkan waktu berlalu dengan lebih pantas
namun diri tak sanggup melewati hari yang penuh dengan cabaran
semangat zhdh, everything and everyone gonna be fine,
u can pass all this and finally go home for good

INSYAALLAH
:)

:)/:(

2011-11-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

20.11.2011

Tarikh hari nie cantek,
Hari nie best friend saya kawen,
Hari nie saya xcukup tdoq,
Hari nie saya menyanyi kuat2 dpn org mcm xtau malu,
Hari nie saya sedar yg perasaan saya ini xpenting,
Hari nie saya sedar apa yg saya rasa tidak membawa apa2 perubahan dan tidak dipedulikan
Hari nie saya sadar kwn kita boleh tikam kita dari belakang walaupun xsampai 2jam memohon ampun akan kesalahan yang baru sudah,
Hari nie saya sedar yg saya mcm budak kecil menangis teresak-esak didlm toilet, pikirkan org yang dah hampir 2 tahun anggap saya dah xwujud,
Hari nie saya sedar saya walaupun saya kuat tapi akan rapuh jugak,
Hari nie saya sedar saya memperbodohkan diri sendiri,
Hari nie sesuatu terjadi dan mengingatkan saya yg ajal maut ditangan tuhan,
Hari nie saya sedar pengorbanan keluarga terhadap ahli keluarga yang lain, speechless*
Hari nie saya sedar walaupun saya happy akan sesuatu keputusan tetapi itu dapat membawa tangisan kepada orang lain
Hari nie saya sedar saya seorang yg degil dan tidak cepat putus asa, berusaha walaupun membebankan diri sendiri,
Hari nie saya sedar saya bertahan memperjuangkan sesuatu yang tidak pernah ada orang lain setuju ,
Hari nie saya sedar yang erti hidup itu belum saya temui,terlalu banyak rintangan,halangan dan segala sesuatu itu tidak dapat dicapai dengan mudah.

:(

2011-11-14T04:45:00.000-08:00

this is tough, don't know how to handle this on my own, maybe all i need is just escape,awayyyy from irritating people
me

:)

2011-11-11T09:16:00.000-08:00

malam ini :)

:(

2011-11-09T06:06:00.000-08:00

taken from http://www.natural-pregnancy-mentor.com/OBGYN-doctors.html

sgt xpercaya kenyataan yg saya rindu life di obgyn, espcly time jaga di jejaring

mesti ingat!!!!!

2011-11-06T01:44:00.000-07:00

History does not repeat itself, it can only be used for purpose of reference, therefore learn from your past mistakes.
Elias

:)

2011-11-06T01:40:00.000-07:00

Be humble, too much pride kills. If you are a conceited person you’ll get the ire of others.

Anon

:)

2011-11-04T01:26:00.000-07:00

sgt tringin nk mkn fav food, rindu
me

:)

2011-11-03T09:41:00.001-07:00

big step, i hope u like it

:)

2011-11-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart."

Robert Sexton

:)

2011-10-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

taken from amy

Everybody did something. It was very entertaining. We had a lot of fun. Lot of fun. And there was no segregation, that I could see. I never saw any.

Cab Calloway

:(

2011-10-27T05:51:00.001-07:00

sick again
xsuka

me

2011-10-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

i've try everything but cn't obtain any outcome
i'm tired & feel like wanna give up
should i??what a pathetic me...

u

2011-10-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

wut i'm craving for

u

2011-10-20T02:37:00.000-07:00

i am dead to you and sorry i can't be invisible but i will try to be like one...always~
me

:)

2011-10-15T09:41:00.000-07:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

unknown

u

2011-10-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

taken from mylot.com

i just wanna finish my studies and go away from u

:(

2011-10-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

xsdp badan, xsuka, this year plg kerap sakit, aish~
nk sihat, xmo sakit2,xmo kuruih keding~
me

:)

2011-10-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb but how well you bounce.
Vivian Komori

:)

2011-09-26T02:26:00.000-07:00

what u give
u'll get it back
zhdh, sntiasa ingat jgn cakap besar + sabar
:)

2011-09-17T21:08:00.000-07:00

rush

2011-09-04T10:23:00.000-07:00

syukur dpt braya di kmpg halaman, penuh suka & duka,
bermakna,
smpai airport cne pukul 10.00 tunggu imegresen panjang 4 ghela dpt smpai rmh pukul 11.00,
dh unpack beg raya & dh pack beg nk p majalaya
:)

syukur

2011-08-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

syukur dpt cuti spacing
sat lge nak bertolak blek kampung halaman tercinta
sgt gUmbira~ :)

:)

2011-08-24T10:04:00.001-07:00

:)

2011-08-24T07:19:00.000-07:00

xbuat salah pun dipersalahkan,
org laen yg bwt salah pon org laen yg kna marah,
sabaq ja la
hidup~hidup~ fuhhhh!!!!
doa org teraniaya lbh termakbul~ amin
me

erti

2011-08-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

diri yg hanya bdk ini

pic taken from piculous.com

إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ

2011-08-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ
sesungguhnya kami milik Allah dan kepada-Nya kami kembali
surah al-Baqarah ayat 156

Bru dpt berita wan tokjang meninggal, dialah tmpt ku menumpang kasih setelah wanku meninggal 16 thn lalu..walaupun wan tokjang adalah adek wan, tp kasih syg dia bwtkn kami rasa dia sperti wan sndiri... wan tokjang slu suruh kami cium pipi dia... dan kdg2 dia sengaja bg kena misai dia bila kami cium pipi sbb dia tau kami geli n xsuka... sgt sygkan dia....hasratku nk blek mgu dpn n singgh ke kl utk tgk tokjang xkesampaian, ALLAH s.w.t lebih sygkan dia, semoga wan tokjang ditempatkn dikalangan org2 yg beriman....amin.

:)

2011-08-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you
taken from ejan's tumblr,thx dear

me

2011-08-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

mendengar sesuatu yg bagai nk gugur jantung ... tabahkanlah hatiku~

me

2011-08-13T08:47:00.000-07:00

syukur atas apa yg berlaku~ 2 minggu lg nk blek msia, weeehuuuuu~:)
oh, kerana saya rindu.....

:)

2011-08-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

u

2011-08-02T08:01:00.000-07:00

i have to move on without your answer, 1 day you will know why am i asking....

:)

2011-08-02T03:53:00.000-07:00

~ this song make me smile~

Shipwreck in a sea of faces
There's a dreamy world up there
Dear friends in higher places
Carry me away from here

Travel light, let the sun eclipse you
'Cause your flight is about to leave
And there's more to this brave adventure
Than you'd ever believe

Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you
Wide eyes will always brighten the blue
Chase your dreams, and remember me, sweet bravery
'Cause after all those wings will take you up so high

So bid the forest floor goodbye
As you race the wind and take to the sky
You take to the sky

On the heels of war and wonder
There's a stormy world up there
You can't whisper above the thunder
But you can fly anywhere

Purple burst of paper birds this
Picture paints a thousand words
So take a breath of myth and mystery
And don't look back

Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you
Wide eyes will always brighten the blue
Chase your dreams, and remember me, sweet bravery
'Cause after all those wings will take you up so high

So bid the forest floor goodbye
As you race the wind and take to the sky
(Take to the sky)

There's a realm above the trees
Where the lost are finally found
Touch your feathers to the breeze
And leave the ground

Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you
Wide eyes will always brighten the blue
Chase your dreams, and remember me, sweet bravery
'Cause after all those wings will take you up so high

So bid the forest floor goodbye
As you race the wind and take to the sky
You take to the sky
(You take to the sky)

You take to the sky

Tersentuh

2011-07-27T03:44:00.000-07:00

Salam, sekarang aku dibahagian yang harus sering keluar kota. Meletihkan, itu yang dapat aku ucapkan namun berbalas dengan keindahan cipta tuhan yang bakal dihidang. Suasana yang indah, disertai dengan cuaca yang dingin, masyarakat yang ramah dan makanan yang enak membuatkan aku bersemangat untuk kesana. Ketika pulang dari klinik, aku menaiki bus menuju ke b-place, perjalanan menyambil waktu selama 40 menit. Setelah tiba, aku menaiki angkotan untuk pulang ke rumah. Lemah kakiku melangkah menaiki angkotan,dilihat disisi kanan terdapat bangku kosong, lalu aku duduk disitu dan berdepan dengan orang yg buta matanya. Beliau berpakaian kemeja biru lusuh ,bercelana panjang,bertopi dan bersandal jepit merak swallow yang tapaknya agak nipis.Beliau duduk terdiam disisi kanan angkot, tidak berkata, sesekali kelihatan kepalanya kekiri ke kanan seperti mendengar perbualan, rupanya dia tidak keseorangan, ada yang setia menemani, seorang pemuda berpakaian bersih tetapi agak lusuh, bercelana jeans pendek paras lutut, berjuntai-juntai jahitan benang dicelana jeansnya, jelas seperti dipotong dengan sengaja tanpa kita tahu kenapa. Kemudian, dicelah lutut kelihatan beg hitam tertera brand 'QUICK' ya, QUICK..bukan Quiksilver, disertai dengan bekas jahitan di kedua-dua penggalas beg. Tiba-tiba lelaki pendamping itu melihatku , hatiku mula bertanya, adakah terlalu jelas lirikan mataku? aduh. Aku mengalihkan penglihatanku.

Terbuai aku dengan lagu kenangan terindah dari samson di radio. Keadaan dijalan agak macet. Kesempatan ini tidak dilepaskan oleh pengemis jalanan. Datanglah seorang remaja, bertubuh tegap dan berpakaiaan bersih tanpa lusuh.Di tangannya memegang gitar lantas menyanyikan 1 lagu. Nyanyiannya tidak terlalu jelas, dicaburi dengan kuatnya nyanyian samson diradio.Kulihat di genggaman kananku terdapat wang rp20.900. ku asingkan wang rp200 buat pengamen itu. Dalam diam lelaki yang buta matanya memasukkan tangannya kedalam saku celananya dan mengeluarkan 1 wang syiling. Ibu jari dan jari telunjukkan menyentuh wang tersebut dan diberikan ke pemuda yang bersamanya. Dari besarnya duit syiling itu, aku tahu itu wang rp500. Hatiku tersentuh. Mindaku terisi dengan satu pertanyaan. 'Adakah itu buat pengemis jalanan?'. Setelah nyanyian pengemis itu selesai,dia menadahkan tangan ke semua penumpang angkotan. Pemuda pendamping menghulurkan wang rp500 diikuti penumpang lain dan aku yang memberi rp200. Kurasa pemuda pengemis baru menyedari akan kehadiran orang buta yang berpakaian lusuh itu. Lantas dia menunduk mukanya dan mengembalikan wang rp500 ke pemuda pendamping. Aku mula berdiam dan mengevaluasi diri.

Setelah 2 menit, pemuda pendamping mengeluarkan wang syiling dari sakunya . Semuanya syiling rp500. Dihitungnya biar cukup rp 4000 buat biaya angkotan.Destinasi mereka adalah ke rumah sakit.Melihatkan situasi itu, mataku bergelinangan.Walaupun pakaianku berjenama mng, niat hatiku hanya menghulurkan rp20o. Walaupun pemuda pengemis jalanan masih bertubuh tegap dan cukup pancainderanya namun dia adalah orang yang menerima, bukan memberi. Kemudian aku turun dari angkotan, mengalir pelan air dari ekor mataku. Masih ada insan yang 'buta matanya tapi tidak buta hatinya'. Masih ada insan yang sepemurah dia........

Great men are they who see that the spiritual is stronger than any material force

:)

2011-07-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

Great men are they who see that the spiritual is stronger than any material force
Ralph Waldo Emerson

terserah

2011-07-22T02:40:00.000-07:00

:)

2011-07-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

"Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world,
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before,
Let your soul take you where you long to be....
Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar,
and you'll live as you've never lived before."

Erich From

karna sy rindu

2011-07-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

I wake up dis morning without any spirit, feeling mundane, tired n need sum1 dt cn pamper me like i am a small kid & sincerely deal w my childish prattle... wua~ i miss home!!!! dis is who i am when i am sick!!! my external sphincter kind of lose it elasticity, my intestine sound is > 32 x/min. i hate dis!!!!i'm tired of making repeated trip to the 'WC' and then feel dehydrated.Luckily my skin turgor is still good but i don't treat myself well like how should i treat a patient w diarre.I don't even got my medication or even enough h2o n Zn.How i become a doctor 1 day?? confusing~

I really mis home, then i call mama, she did advice me to hav enough drinks and give tips of traditional treatment. while she was talked ' minum ...........,ambek..............' my heart whisper 'mama y don't u prepare all those stuff 4 me because i'm too lazy, i can even wake up from bed' *LIAR* but sure i don't say that to her, i just 'ok,ok'...after a while mama got to go.

Then i buzz abah on ym. He don't even buzz me back. I'm staring at my fb profil hoping dat he did send msg to my inbox.. puffff~kesian!!! luckily abah buzz me back, and we did chat for a while, since i was young i did act independenly in front of him but deep inside i' still fragile... and so do now..:(,i did miss him but i can't even express my feeling, after bla bla bla, then i wonder did he miss me? keep wondering untill he said ' anak megaji pandai semua dok jauh2 baik tok sah pandai' .....hehe..rindu ka?:P... kesian abah+ mama. nnt dh grad xmo dok jauh2!!! unless i have my own family...

:)

2011-07-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

bersihkanlah hatiku, kuatkanlah imanku, tabahkanlah aku~
me

:)

2011-07-12T00:50:00.000-07:00

'klu rasa sakit, ada org yg lebih sakit,
klu rasa penat, org laen lebih penat..
klu dh xsanggup, pejamkan mata n betolkan niat..
klu rasa benci, jauhkanlah diri...
klu rasa happy, jgn lupa diri...
klu rindu family, ingat esok hari kamu akan kembali....'
:P
me

:)

2011-07-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

if u want to find water, u must first find dirt
taken from rango extended

2011-07-03T01:47:00.000-07:00

dekat tapi jauh
jauh tapi dekat
me

mesti ingat!!!!!

2011-07-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

dunia adalah tempat untuk mencari erti hidup~
me

:)

2011-06-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

'You have to hurt in order to know. Fall in order to grow. Lose in order to gain.
Because most of life’s lessons are learned in pain'
unknown

:)

2011-06-26T00:47:00.000-07:00

it may seems that everything was fine but actually i'm scared
me

:)

2011-06-21T06:48:00.000-07:00

'i like the way we are arguing,
instead of asking how do you do? @ did you fully recovered from ur gastritis?@ can i help you? @ wishing HB2U...you did complaining about my action,
i'm glad you did recognized my existence,
i know that you are not interested in having conversation with me,
you don't even put eye-contact on me
that means a lot
silence is better
but hey, thanks because i'm still exist as a tiny little thing in your whole wide world '

me

:)

2011-06-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

'Every girl has three guys in here life; one she loves, one she hates, and one she can’t live without. They’re all the same guy.'
unknown via quotelicious.com

:)

2011-06-14T07:13:00.001-07:00

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.
Lewis B. Smedes

:)

2011-06-12T09:07:00.001-07:00

'The difference between school and life? In school you're taugh a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson' Tom Bodett

:)

2011-06-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

: 'Sometimes we do a thing in order to find put the reason for it. Sometimes our actions are questions not answers'
John Le Carre

:)

2011-06-11T08:34:00.001-07:00

Forget the times he walked by,
Forget the times he made you cry,
Forget the times he spoke your name,
Remember now you are not the same.

Forget the times he held your hand,
Forget the sweet things if you can,
Forget the times & Don't pretend,
Remember now he's not even your friend.

:)

2011-06-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

~How do you expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older!!!!!happy birthday fwenz~

:)

2011-06-08T03:21:00.000-07:00

'life is like a bag of chocolate'
kembang gula

:)

2011-06-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.
Napoleon Bonaparte

:)

2011-06-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Anais Nin

nak

2011-06-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

can i have all dis by 2morrow morning?:P... gd nite

me

2011-06-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

saya lebih bahagia tanpa kamu